03/09/2009

AM I ever going to reach ..

... that properly grown-up idea of thinking life is too short to worry about my weight?

When I’m stressed out, it’s all I seem to think about and that’s because, in this one area of my life, I can’t multi-task.

I mean that I can’t deal with my stress and watch my weight/be good because I’m too busy trying to swallow down worry. While I’m doing that, I can’t concentrate on calorie counting and exercising or whatever else I need to do to keep losing weight. Following?

When things are more in balance, it’s loads easier. Well, when I say loads I actually mean slightly, as in a little bit – totally opposite to the size of my portions during sour times.

I anticipate being stressed for four more weeks, because that’s how long I’ve got left recording a radio show for BBC Wales called What’s The Story?

I love doing it; I appreciate the opportunity, the team members are delightful company and I still can’t quite believe that me, little old me from the Rassau with a cupboard full of insecurities and dropped aitches when I speak, was asked in the first place.

But it doesn’t come without a significant level of panic because it’s recorded in front of a live audience (as opposed to a dead one I guess), it’s a fast turnaround, I’m doing it while hammers continue to pound out each of the 10 long hours of my day job, and I’m attempting to drop 76 dress sizes before my wedding next year.

So what gives? As ever, food and exercise.

Doing the show is fraught, fabulous and frantic fun and, increased stress levels excepted, one of the reasons I signed on in the first place was that it was a chance to do something which has nothing at all to do with how I look.

You don’t have to do your hair for radio, in case you hadn’t noticed, or wear a girdle. Hey, take your bra off in the studio if you want – it’s that much of a marvellously freeing medium.

Up until now, most of the non-newspaper stuff I’ve been doing has involved me talking about being fat, my struggles with weight and self-acceptance, chatting about the diets I’ve loved to hate and not lost anything on.

I have a considered and sometimes quirky view on it, and I’m often asked to share my thoughts on the obesity debate which I’m happy to do – spreading the fat as liberally as I do butter when I’m too busy to think about what I’m actually doing and take decisive action to the contrary.

So although I’m eating more because I’m frantic, I’m happier in my unease because I’m doing a project which isn’t fat related. So I’m equally cursed and blessed, an irony not lost on me or my belly.

Maybe a better woman would be able to do it all – work, successfully diet and try to be funny for the nation.

Well, two out of three ain’t bad for me. For now…

What’s The Story? is on BBC Radio Wales every Saturday at 1pm. It is recorded at the Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama in Cardiff each Thursday night prior to broadcast. Tickets are free and to be part of the audience call the box office on 029 2039 1391

2 comments:

She Means Well... said...

I know how you feel. I seem to spend most of my life bouncing between the bolshy in-yer-face "this is who I am, like or lump it" and the simpering, close-to-tears "I SO want to be skinny".

I try to tackle it with a few simple rules for life above average (weight, height and - I hope - IQ). You can see them at http://shemeanswellbut.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-seem-to-have-spent-most-of-my-life.html

Meanwhile, try not let stress get the better of you. Enjoy the radio show - I'm sure you'll be great. Is there any way I can hear it from afar (I'm in Greece) as a feed through the Internet?

paellataffy said...

The trouble with people like you and me is that there is a total disconnect between how we FEAR we look to others and our real appearance. A friend of mine posted a recent pic of me on Facebook and I thought, "Oh my GOD! Why did you do that?!" but in actual fact I got a lot of positive feedback from it.

I have always joked that I have the ideal body for radio, but sometimes it starts to feel not funny anymore.

I'm sure that you'll be fabulous, whether on the radio or on prime time TV!

And, as always, I'd be delighted if you could find the time to visit me (Paelltaffy) on http://paellataffy.blogspot.com